Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Secrets; Shame or Security

    Secrets are used in many ways.  I work in a restruant. The chef has his secret recipe. There is no shame in cooperate secrets or secrets to protect one's idenity or privacy.  Secrets have power in that respect. Personal power or social power, secrets give you an edge over competition. There's no shame involved in that kind of Secret.
  BUT, this topic is in the content of those within Second Life. How much can you keep secret within this virtual world.  Actually NONE.  Everytime you rezz out a picture or stoke your keys, this becomes the property of Linden Labs. I have been a resident of this virtual world for a good time now.   I have had many SL lovers/companions.    And  my transcripts have been used by lawyers in an attempt to be used in a divorce dispute.
 Of course nothing came out of it because there was no hint of meeting them in RL. And and for what is still in dispute, two consenting adults doing computer sex is not a crime.  To say the least, there is NO privacy in SL.
    Where are secrets shameful?  Secrets kept that are considered to be unjust, immoral, indecent or offensive are disgraceful and shameful.  Where your actions may consdered inappropiate for your standing within a society may bring shame to the group or one's self.   Where there are agreements  and those agreements are broken.  For example in the social context of relationships as in  marriage or those agreements lovers make  are broken, secrets arise.  Those maybe shameful secrets.  Personal Shame.  Shameful secrets may produce one to tell little lies or misinformation to cover up  secrets from their lover or spouse.  Many people come into SL and have Secret Love affairs, hidding them from their RL or from another Love affair within SL.   Why are they Secret to begin with?   It obvious that in SL romance, love or sex, what ever it is call amounts to two people exchanging stimulating words and gestures for the purpose of mutual masturbation.  They may feel guilty about masturbation and especially if it's outside their moral conviction.    They will want to hide their privacy.   And the only  security is that which comes  in believing that keeping that secret, then they don't have to take responsibility for their actions. There are many things to lose.  It's to protect their ego from feeling the shame of breaking their agreement of their RL or SL. And that shame depends on how much the ego is conscience of the feelings of others.  And the ego has it's ways of self-justification to not feel the shame.  Cheating on the trust that two agreed apon when found out will produce the most hurtful of feelings.    Some of these lies are not intended to be malicious, but to buffer the hurtful feeling they know will result.   Secrets may be also Lying by Omission. The addage, ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies.      When honesty and communication breaks down, soon follows the lost of Intimacy.  Love slowly dies. And to maintain that relationship can only be done with actions and words that are false. 
 There is always that debate in this virtual world. Is this a game people play or some other media?  SL and RL have it's parallels.  It's amazing how the mind, heart and sensations are effected by what we say and do. Even if it's a game of fantasy!  Most would agree that feelings are real. And the same feelings we use in RL are used in SL.
 How we connect to each other and ourselves in SL is as much an adventure into the very dreams we do have in RL.  Actual love can happen. And LOVE in all it's good, bad and the ugly is what we are and how we are.
 There are some that have no shame, no need of secrets.

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